how to be a babe magnet

click here for instructional video

 so, this video is labeled "somali" although it looks like something out of a bollywood film, which to me would suggest "indian." either way, i offer my humble interpretation. by the way, if you're looking for a way to score with an imaginary chick, your ship has come in.

the lesson here is that if you happen to see a beautiful hitchhiker when driving in your sporty american vehicle through the snowy mountains of Somalia (or wherever your BMW might have taken you), the best course of action is to stand up and make wildly gyrating motions with your upper body, which is sure to draw her over. be sure to engage the emergency brake while doing this, so your vehicle does not plunge over the snowy ledge. once she joins you in the vehicle, she is then likely to turn into an indian princess in diaphanous robes. (note: she is likely to disappear and reappear without notice; do not be alarmed by this). it is preferable that at some point you run away with her scarf, rub your grubby cheek against it and wave it around near some livestock. when she snatches it back, that is when you should pursue her in your orange life vest and throw her to the ground amongst a flock of sheep. you and she will be granted several wardrobe changes throughout this experience, which will allow you to practice tai chi on a snowy mountain top. (it will not be necessary to dress appropriately for this activity.) be sure to make many sweeping gestures with your arms while you do so. this will cause a hot air balloon to randomly appear, in which you and the indian princess should abscond, with no regard for who might be the rightful owner or whether either of you is aware of how to operate it. be sure that during the trip you continuously graze her skin with your mouth, but try to refrain from having any actual contact. after the flight, when she appears in pink and spins in a field, you should approach her from behind and whisper sweet nothings in her ear, but be sure your mouth continues to move for several minutes after you're done speaking. if she tries to get away, just give her scarf a little yank to keep her in line. now that your relationship has progressed, you should both do pairs figure skating moves on the mountaintop. this will inspire her to fling her arms awkwardly around your torso. soon, you will realize she was merely an angel of your imagination, at which point you will magically stumble upon your vehicle and drive away, smiling to yourself. you then arrive at your destination as if nothing has happened, but carrying with you the sweet sweet memories. ah, romance.