did you bring back any salami?

i'm not sure why i was asked this question during my recent visit to the friendly LAX customs office upon returning from england. he said it just like that, in a thick foreign accent. "did you bring back any meats, animal products...salami?" honestly, the only thing i remember clearly is "salami?" because at that point i became bemused to the point of forgetting all else.

"good day, sir. meats? no, i wouldn't bring in such a thing...animal products...gracious no, i'm well acquainted with my country's import/export policies...oh, salami? why yes, funny you should ask..." *producing large, phallic package from carry-on*

what i would like to know is, why salami, in particular? is that a more egregious violation of customs regulations than, say, leg of lamb or smoked haddock? perhaps there is a mad salami disease rippling through the united kingdom that our media has been remiss in reporting? either that, or i look like a girl who really loves her some salami. seeing as i haven't eaten red meat in approximately 20 years, i'd say his radar is WAY off. that being the case, who IS smuggling in this terroristic salami, i ask you, while this agent is busy positing questions to those carrying nothing but english tea, mr. men books, and enough belgian chocolate to choke a horse?

then again, it must be tedious sitting there in customs, watching people shuffle by with their luggage, in and out, all day long, going and coming from hither and tither, and never going anywhere yourself. maybe not even to the restroom, or to eat. perhaps he was just hoping that a kind, lunch-bearing stranger had arrived. "did you bring back any salami? maybe with muenster cheese and tomato, and a dollop of mustard? no? alright then, move along. next! excuse me, sir, did you bring back any salami...."

anyone? anyone?? hasn't anyone in this godforsaken place brought back any mother f*&^ing salami?!

madness is not just for postal workers anymore, my friends.